like nothing was wrong

So, when my husband went to his mom's house he rang the doorbell and no one answered. He opened the door and called for him mom, but still no answer. He assumed that she went out and he decided to go in and start loading up his stuff. He said he was there for about 30 minutes going through his boxes in the basement before she appeared. She has been sleeping upstairs and didn't hear him come in, was her excuse. She acted like nothing had ever happened. No mention of the email, nothing.

When my husband was getting ready to leave she finally said "can I have a hug or are you still mad at me?"

My husband said "you can have a hug, but yes, I'm still mad."

She didn't understand why?

So, he said "mom, did you keep a copy of that email you sent to us?"

She said she had. He said "well, that is why."

She went on to explain that he had to understand why she wrote that email. My husband said to her that he didn't think even she understood why she would write something like that to us. And, that a tiny fraction of truth existed in some of her comments so that if you didn't know the actual history you would find her story quite believable.

She didn't have too much to say about that.

In the end he got into the loaded mini-van and said to her "the sad part about all of this is that my wife was the one that kept me communicating to you all of this time" and he drove off without looking back.

I know he feels sad about the whole situation because he can be a very sensitive person who also has quite a guilty conscience. He has taken so much emotional abuse from her over the years but feels like he can not take his mother treating his wife so terribly.


I really do hope she gets some help.

Here we go again...

Tomorrow, my hubby is going to visit my MIL to go and pick up the stuff in her basement. She has already asked for pictures of the kids in one of her responses back to my husband confirming the time he will be going.

I can ONLY imagine the kind of guilt-trip and other nonsense that she will inflict on him when he goes to pick up his stuff tomorrow. I have told him that he can take the kids for a brief visit to see her on his own if he wants to. I will have no part in it until she apologizes for being so mean and hurtful.

My husband is going alone tomorrow, so we'll see what happens!

Interesting email

So, when I got up today, my hubby said he received and interesting email and asked me to guess who it was from. My first guess was our builder. Wrong. I thought about it for a minute and then said "your mom?". Correct!

Apparently, after not speaking with us for months due to the nastiest, meanest most hurtful email I have ever received, she decided to send my hubby another email. She said that she is trying to organize her house and needs him to come and get some of his old memorabilia out of the basement. She has talked to him about this in the past (when we were talking) and he has gone before, looked through the basement, and the majority of the stuff was his brother's or his dad's. Both of them have nothing to do with her either, but the way.

I digress. The email went something like this....You must be enjoying your new home by now. I am organizing and need you to come get your stuff out of the basement. If I don't hear from you by the end of November then I will assume you don't want the stuff and will throw it out.

So he replied that we would like to come get the stuff but is busy for the next 2 weeks and asked when he could come.

She said anytime is fine but give her a call first to make sure she is home.

The kids and I are NOT going. He is just going to go, pick up the stuff and leave. Until she acknowledges her behaviour and apologizes I will not be seeing her. I doubt that will happen since she hasn't apologized properly to her other daughter--in-law for over 10 years now...hence why they don't talk.

I feel like this email giving my hubby an ultimatum to get his stuff is typical of her usual passive-aggressive nature. She wants to get him there so she can make him feel bad about not speaking...even though it was her fault.

It will be interesting to see what happens in 2 weeks when he goes to get the stuff!

No news is good news

Well, we still haven't heard from my MIL, which is good. I think she may be out of the country right now. If I remember correctly, she was going to visit her sister this month. Since we will be moving out of our current house in 2 weeks and our home phone number will be disconnected for a month or so, it should be interesting to see if she tries to contact us at all.

I told my husband that I am viewing this situation as a type of break. I would feel too guilty never speaking to her again, however, I don't intend to talk to her again soon. I deserve a break from the abuse for a little while (at least). My husband isn't so sure he wants to talk to her again anytime soon. So, we'll see what happens.

The reality is that I hardly think about her or the situation right now at all. We are getting ready to move and are having the kids christened next weekend. So, those things, plus everyday activities are keeping me busy.

Clothes

Here is an excerpt from her email as some background. This is the end of her email. It was actually almost 3 pages long...filled with nastiness and lies.

I have often bought what I thought were lovely clothes for both your son and daughter , never had a chance to see them on them, never heard if you liked them and certainly never was sent pictures of them wearing what I bought for them. That is negligent and rude and thoughtless. Have either of you ever thought how your behaviour must make me feel, even more importantly do you even care? I'm sure you both pride yourselves on how civilly and graciously you treat even perfect strangers, yet you give no thought to how you treat me. Your behaviour should make you both feel very ashamed.

I would like to clear up what she says about the clothes. She has bought my son a few outfits. She has seen him in them and I have sent her pictures of him a couple of the outfits through email (and I actually still have a copy of the email!!!!) I think she has maybe bought him one pair of pants in the last year. She has only ever bought my daughter 3 sleepers and a picture frame since the day she was born...almost 8 months ago. So, I'm not sure what "outfits" she is talking about!

Here is what I would like to say back to her (from my what I would like to send but won't document)...

I loved how you talked about how "generous" you are in the email. You did help us out financially with the wedding, for which I am grateful. However, you really do not even remotely understand the concept of gift giving. Let me explain it to you. When you choose to give someone a gift, it is because you want to do something nice for someone and you generally do not expect anything in return, expect a simple thank you. You, on the other hand, only give gifts to obtain recognition or to force your taste/opinion on someone. I have never seem someone make such a big production out of giving the smallest of items. My mother probably buys outfits for the kids on a weekly basis and I always thank her. She never makes me feel bad or demands "pictures" of the kids in the outfits. She is truly a generous and giving person though, unlike yourself.

No update

Since we received the lovely email from my MIL we have had no contact with her...thank goodness. In order to relieve some of the anger I was feeling, I wrote a response. It has everything that I have been feeling contained in it. I decided not to send it to her though. I think it will be more irritating to her if we just don't respond to her at all. Even though I didn't send the email, I feel vindicated.

I have entitled the document "What I would like to send, but won't………"

The Fallout

My MIL has really outdone herself this time! After the incident a week ago she phoned us on Friday and asked why she hadn't heard from us and wondered when we were going to visit her. My husband said that she acted like an insane, crazy person on Monday. She hung up on him.



This morning I checked my email and there was one from her to my husband and I. It was one of the most mean-spirited, hurtful emails I have ever read. She is usually this way with my husband but is more passive-aggressive with me. This time she wrote so many mean and hurtful lies that I was stunned. I am usually a pretty calm person, however, I was FURIOUS! I could not believe all of the twisted versions of events she came up with. She dragged me through the mud and back. My husband said he has never seen me this mad. Later on, after I calmed down, I started to cry.


Last year when my husband and his mom had a falling out, I was the one who kept up the relationship and talked with her, emailed her and had her over to see our son when my hubby was at work. This went on for 4 months until my daughter was born. I didn't want her to not have a relationship with our children, her grandchildren because I felt bad that she already has never met her other grandchildren who are 3 and 5. As I mentioned in my last post, my hubby's brother hasn't talked to her in over 10 years.

I feel bad saying this, but I have decided that I no longer want her around my family. She is emotionally abusive and toxic. I don't want her negative, mean-spirited attitude around my children.

When I originally started this blog, it was because I needed a place where I could just blog freely about whatever was going on in my life. I know that she reads my other blog, where I talk mostly about the kids, although she has never admitted to it. I have decided to make that blog permission-only too. I will still keep it light-hearted, as it was intended. Especially in the off-chance that we reconcile.

I have also decided to gradually add some background material to this story on this blog as I get a chance. It will help me vent and make it easier for others to understand the complete picture.

MIL

Mine is crazy. I know everyone has their stories, but seriously, I really think mine takes the cake. My MIL and hubby have a volatile relationship. His brother hasn't talked to their mom for over 10 years and she is now divorced from her husband. It sort of speaks volumes, right? She thinks it is always everyone else and doesn't see that she is the common denominator in the scenarios.

We haven't seen much of her this summer because she is very particular on when she wants to come over because she has a paranoia about being caught in traffic (even though she doesn't work, volunteer, or anything). So she generally only wants to come on Tuesday to Thursday between the hours of 10am-2pm. It makes it a little difficult to schedule sometimes because of other commitments and my hubby's shift work.

Back to the story...

My hubby talked to her last week and said we would get back to her with some dates. We decided afterwards that we would give her a call and go over there this week (she lives about 50 min away). We also thought we would bring dinner and cook for her since her knee has been hurting lately.

On Monday I just put the kids down for a nap when I heard the doorbell ring. I never answer the door unless I am expecting someone, so I ignored it. A few minutes later it rang again. I went to see who it was because I didn't want them to wake the kids up. I looked out the peephole and saw a bunch of stuff on the front step. It looked like toys. I opened the door and said "hello?" Then I saw my MIL carrying a box up to the front step. She said "hi" and proceeded back to her car. I was shocked. I said "hi, would you like to come in for a while?" She said "no, I wasn't invited." Then she got in her car and drove away!

I shut the door stunned. Finally, I regained composure and took the toys inside. They were from my hubby's aunt. My MIL called a few minutes later from her cell. I didn't answer. She basically just said that the toys were from the aunt and she dropped them off because her house cleaner was coming on Wednesday.

Seriously, she is the most passive aggressive person I have ever met! My husband would have stopped talking to her long ago if I didn't push for him to retain the relationship.